Sometimes one person or both in a couple gets to a place of extreme hurt or withdrawal and considers ending the relationship. We know the pain and fear that can be involved as you try to decide how best to move forward. Every direction can seem frightening, painful, or overwhelming, and you may wonder if you are making the best choices for the future.

We want couples to have a place where each person can process these feelings and ideas about what are the next steps to take in their relationship. Discernment Counseling, a specific, short term way to look at relationships on the edge of ending, was developed at the University of Minnesota. It is a way to get help when one or both of you are not sure if your relationship should continue.

Discernment Counseling lasts from one to five sessions. During each session you will meet together with a therapist with special training in this work. Each partner will also have some individual time with the therapist while the other waits in the waiting room. Discernment counseling recognizes there are three paths available:

1) Having things stay as they are
2) Moving towards collaborative divorce
3) Taking divorce off the table for a period of six months while each person gives an all out effort (with the help of an expert therapist–and any other recommended resources) to see if the relationship can be saved.

During your individual time you will have the opportunity to address your ideas, fears, and possibilities for each of these paths. After your individual time, you will both come back together with your counselor to share with each other your current thoughts regarding the three paths and to decide what is best for you, your spouse, and your relationship. Discernment counseling may give you the clarity you need to make the best choice for your life and your partner’s.